Hi friend! I'm Stacey, a wedding photographer based in Central PA. I'm also a wife, believer, encourager, and lifelong learner! I'm so happy you stopped by, enjoy browsing the blog!
WEDDINGS
BROWSE BY CATEGORY
ENGAGEMENTS
FOR BRIDES
PERSONAL
SEARCH:
INSTAGRAM
CONNECT WITH ME:
FACEBOOK
PINTEREST
April 28, 2015
Today I have the honor of introducing Kelly Kershaw, who wrote today’s guest blog post on pursuing joy in marriage. Kelly is a longtime friend of mine and an incredibly talented writer with a natural gift for inspiring and encouraging others. Kelly will be launching a brand new blog this summer called, The Joy of Pursuit. You can find links at the bottom of the post to follow Kelly on social media and to stay updated with announcements about the blog launch. Kelly is going to take it away today sharing practical tips to find more joy in your marriage!
Pursuing Joy in Your Marriage:
The one thing you must let go in order to embrace joy
As a girl, I was taught the importance of having high standards for the man I would eventually marry. In fact, in 7th grade I was encouraged to make a list of the top qualities I wanted that man to possess. I did so willingly and held to those standards with passion and pride.
The years passed and eventually the fated day arrived. I met the man I would marry in my freshmen year of college and was completely swept off my feet. We became engaged 4 years later, married soon after, and my lofty expectations for the future remained.
But I was surprised to find what little joy those expectations brought to my marriage. Instead of feeling happy I felt irritated and resentful much of the time. He was a good man, but his habits seemed to let me down. Everything from where he left his clothes to his health and exercise habits did not meet my expectations for how he should be behaving. I began noticing how he left his clothes in the washer too long; he’d leave the car on empty and wouldn’t help enough with the dishes. I’d pounce on every opportunity to criticize the areas where I found his behavior lacking.
What I didn’t realize was I had allowed healthy relationship standards for basic trust, safety and respect to morph into an army of unrealistic expectations for almost everything he did. I was the problem, and I had to make the decision to let go of those expectations in order to grab a hold of joy and recover it for our married life.
Like a weed, excessive expectations can suffocate joy and displace it in a marriage. Its only when we learn to let go of our many expectations of someone that we are finally free to enjoy them. When I decided to choose joy and let go of my expectations I began to see things I had missed before. I saw how he went outside in the winter before work and warmed up the car before I got in. I noticed that he took out the trash every week, helped with dinner, paid the bills and did his own laundry (even if it wasn’t on my time schedule, that was ok because he did it and that meant I didn’t have to!). How had I let myself miss the little things my man did every day to be a loving and responsible spouse? My resentment began to melt and I was overwhelmed with love for the man I married. He is a great man, not a perfect one after all. We both have areas where we need to grow, and we will. But for now, I choose to enjoy him for who he is and focus on all that he does so well for me and in our life together.
I believe we get more of what we focus on. So I ask you to pursue a focus on joy today by releasing expectations and freeing yourself to enjoy the person you’re marrying or already married to. Enjoy him just as he is today, for the way we spend our days is after all the way we spend our lives.
Hi friends! Thank you for taking the time to read this post, I hope it’s added value to your day. Consider connecting with me through Facebook at Kelly Kershaw , on Twitter @_kellykershaw and on Instagram @_kellykershaw to receive notice when I launch my blog, The Joy of Pursuit, later this summer. I look forward to talking with you! In the meantime, if you enjoyed this topic and would like more encouragement in this area check out Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands (Found in audio version too!) Also, one of my favorite sources of marriage wisdom is trusted counselor Leslie Vernick. She has written a number of insightful books and on her blog you can find hundreds of articles on almost any marriage topic. http://leslievernick.com/blog/
Category:
April 29th, 2015 at 2:42 pm
What a great post! Such truth for marriages! I love how you said, “the way we spend our days is the way we spend our lives.” We can’t waste away days by criticizing our spouse, or waiting for things to go exactly the way we think they should. We are all created differently and are imperfect in many ways…exactly how you said, we need to find the strengths in our spouse and what we love about them and focus on those things, and shower them with praise on the way!! So true! Thanks for the inspiration, I can’t wait to read your blog!!!
April 30th, 2015 at 3:48 am
Hi Lisa! Great to hear from you! Thank you for reading and taking the time to give such thoughtful feedback. I’m thrilled that I was able to encourage you! I love that you liked the last line about how we spend our days. I find its been really powerful in my life. Many of us want that “joyful” or ” great ” life but we forget that life is made up of days building on each other. It’s helpful to remember that I can always start now in small ways to choose new patterns, like a restart button! And I need plenty of those haha. I’m so thankful for God’s grace and for a patient husband!!
April 30th, 2015 at 7:13 pm
Yes, exactly! We need to start in smaller ways and then eventually that will grow into more of a daily routine! Such great thoughts to remember each day!! 🙂